Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Can't Wait Until...

the next paycheck...sleeping in...eating chocolate...seeing the boys...going out with a friend...watching a TV show...

I could flood pages with things that run through my head that start with "I can't wait until..."

I mean...ALL the time.

Are most people like that?

It makes it really hard to "live in the moment".

Keith has been out of town and I took a couple of days off to stay home with the boys. I had been looking forward to it because it seems like I have been working a lot and not completely "engaged" at home. As much as I have been looking forward to it I struggle with really focusing on them, or on anything, for any real length of time. I always have something else running through my head...from cleaning, bills, getting to the store, work, sleeping, what to do after they go to bed, next weekend, when Keith gets home...anything.

How can I be thinking about the next things to look forward to when I haven't even finished the last thing I was looking forward to?

I suppose most people have a million thoughts in any given moment. I have had a few instances the last 2 days where I've been able to really take something in and savor it. Tonight when I laid Erik down (which I do most nights and do the same routine with him) I took some time to just sit there and hold him, stare at him, laugh with him and not think about anything else at all. Everything was about him and me and that special time. I remember how he smelled (because I had just given him a bath earlier and wondered how in the world can this precious boy already smell like feet?) I remember what he was wearing, his smile, his sounds and I really enjoyed it-more than I usually do.

No other thoughts filling my "I can't wait until he falls asleep so I can get up". It was perfect.

I need to have more times like that, except for the occasional "I can't wait to blog about this..."!

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