Monday, August 13, 2007

High's and Low's

I've had extreme mental up's and down's the last 3 days.


- Listening to Kolbe work on his ABC's. Keith teaching him the letter "U" and Kolbe saying no it's the letter "ME"

- Spending time with Melina.

- Visiting Chris and Kara and Luke down in Waco.

- Playing cards with Keith and relaxing together.

- Kolbe voluntarily giving Nickolas a hug in the bathtub and saying he loves his baby brother, Nickolas (pronounced neck-lace). Which at this point I get tears in my eyes it's so sweet (very unlike me).

- Making cupcakes (brown ones with white butter-Kolbe's words) and watching Kolbe decorate with candy, eat candy, decorate with candy, eat candy, decorate with candy.

- Designed some nice comps for a freelance project.

- Riding the train.


- Didn't leave the door open for the girl at the gym. She was at an awkward distance and I should have just stood there and waited.

- Lost my patience with Kolbe in the car when he wanted to watch "Chicken Little" from the grocery store to the house.

- Didn't wave "thank-you" to the guy in the car in the alley who stopped to let me through.

- Lost patience with Kolbe from Dallas to Waco when I couldn't understand what he was crying about. Got upset that he woke up Nickolas.

- I got snappy with Keith when he asked if I would give the kids a bath.

- Got upset that Kolbe was throwing a fit in the restaurant at dinner, rather than being understanding that he was excited about something and wasn't grasping why he had to wait. More upset that he took off from the table and I had to run after him and leave Nickolas behind for a second-got flustered.

I somewhat feel like I did post-partum. My highs and lows are very extreme. One minute I feel like I have the best life in the world and nothing could be better. Then minutes later I feel anxious and tense and unsure of how to handle a situation. Is that bipolar? Maybe I am depressed? I look up the symptons for clinical depressions:

• Sadness throughout the day, nearly every day
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Feeling of worthlessness
• Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Trouble making decisions
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Loss of interest in or enjoyment of your favorite activities
• Change in appetite or weight
• Trouble concentrating
• Aches and pains
• Restlessness

I have at least half of these symptoms. But I also know that in the grand scheme of things, I probably don't have a single thing I should be complaining about. So the next time one of my "lows" happens-I'm going to try and handle it as patiently as possible and be thankful that I am here to experience it.

1 comment:

Jeremy said...

Things to remember:

1) You are never alone in life. Whenever you feel like you are becoming overwhelmed, call me.

2) Any person that is happy all the time is by definition insane.

3) Highs and lows are not abnormal. How you deal with them makes them normal or abnormal.

There is more, but I'll tell you when I see you. Those things go better with a hug anyway. =)